Despite social networking accounts and the original blog being deleted, the truth has come out about an Illinois woman who claimed to have made the decision to carry a child with terminal anomalies to term.
If you want all the details, the Chicago Tribune has published a story complete with a photograph of the young woman who deceived so many. (It is worth noting that while the Trib's account lists the young woman, Beccah Beushausen, as a social worker, the National Association of Social Workers issued a statement that no one by that name is a licensed social worker.)
While there are going to be more than enough voices who will reach out from the Internet to bash this young woman, society might also benefit from a quick look in the mirror.
As a woman who has lost three children, one in each stage of pregnancy, I can say that there is a perception of how women are supposed to behave after such an event. In addition, the "appropriate" time alloted for grieving such a death is often in direct correlation with the amount of time a woman spent pregnant. That is, the time allowed for grieving an early miscarriage is often much less than what is alloted to women who experience late abortion, and that is yet shorter than what is allowed for women who experience stillbirth or give birth to child who dies shortly after birth.
Let me put it another way, if I had $1 for each and every time someone said, "I thought you'd be over it by now," I doubt I'd need to draw a paycheck for a year.
I'm not sure if I believe Beushausen when she says that she experienced a loss in 2005. But if that is the case, it may explain her need for an alternate reality -- one that produced a massive support system that I'd bet she did not have at the time of the 2005 loss. Grieving the miscarriage, termination or stillbirth of a wanted and loved child is often a study in isolation. People don't want to bring it up because they are afraid of upsetting the woman. The truth is, women who experienced that type of loss are already upset.
Society also has a tendency to offer support via shared memories. So even when someone wants to approach a woman and offer support about a pregnancy loss, there are no real role models of what that support can and should look like.
What Beushausen did was horrible and wrong. I'm in no way implying that she should not be held responsible for her own actions. She caused a lot of grief both to the individuals she deceived and to the women really going through such a horrific event who might have happened on her blog.
She said that she began the site to express her anti-abortion views. I don't doubt that at all. She says that she lost her son shortly after birth in 2005. While her own personal views about abortion may or may not have led her to decide to carry to term (if there were anomalies), I'm struck by how she completely devoured the attention the fake pregnancy provided. I think there is a perception that if women do "the right thing" and carry to term that there will be a support system waiting for them. Unfortunately that isn't always the case. Horrible, unfathomable things make people uncomfortable and unavailable regardless of a woman's decision about the pregnancy.
The tragedy here isn't that so many people became emotionally linked to a lie, but that a young woman, likely still reeling from the grief of losing a child, felt a lie was the only way to surround herself with support and love.
Updated to add -- was just sent a link to Beushausen's apology post.
If you want all the details, the Chicago Tribune has published a story complete with a photograph of the young woman who deceived so many. (It is worth noting that while the Trib's account lists the young woman, Beccah Beushausen, as a social worker, the National Association of Social Workers issued a statement that no one by that name is a licensed social worker.)
..."I know what I did was wrong," [Beushausen] said. "I've been getting hate mail. I'm sorry because people were so emotionally involved."
...
Beushausen said she really did lose a son shortly after birth in 2005. She started her blog in March to help deal with that loss and to express her strong anti-abortion views, she said...
While there are going to be more than enough voices who will reach out from the Internet to bash this young woman, society might also benefit from a quick look in the mirror.
As a woman who has lost three children, one in each stage of pregnancy, I can say that there is a perception of how women are supposed to behave after such an event. In addition, the "appropriate" time alloted for grieving such a death is often in direct correlation with the amount of time a woman spent pregnant. That is, the time allowed for grieving an early miscarriage is often much less than what is alloted to women who experience late abortion, and that is yet shorter than what is allowed for women who experience stillbirth or give birth to child who dies shortly after birth.
Let me put it another way, if I had $1 for each and every time someone said, "I thought you'd be over it by now," I doubt I'd need to draw a paycheck for a year.
I'm not sure if I believe Beushausen when she says that she experienced a loss in 2005. But if that is the case, it may explain her need for an alternate reality -- one that produced a massive support system that I'd bet she did not have at the time of the 2005 loss. Grieving the miscarriage, termination or stillbirth of a wanted and loved child is often a study in isolation. People don't want to bring it up because they are afraid of upsetting the woman. The truth is, women who experienced that type of loss are already upset.
Society also has a tendency to offer support via shared memories. So even when someone wants to approach a woman and offer support about a pregnancy loss, there are no real role models of what that support can and should look like.
What Beushausen did was horrible and wrong. I'm in no way implying that she should not be held responsible for her own actions. She caused a lot of grief both to the individuals she deceived and to the women really going through such a horrific event who might have happened on her blog.
She said that she began the site to express her anti-abortion views. I don't doubt that at all. She says that she lost her son shortly after birth in 2005. While her own personal views about abortion may or may not have led her to decide to carry to term (if there were anomalies), I'm struck by how she completely devoured the attention the fake pregnancy provided. I think there is a perception that if women do "the right thing" and carry to term that there will be a support system waiting for them. Unfortunately that isn't always the case. Horrible, unfathomable things make people uncomfortable and unavailable regardless of a woman's decision about the pregnancy.
The tragedy here isn't that so many people became emotionally linked to a lie, but that a young woman, likely still reeling from the grief of losing a child, felt a lie was the only way to surround herself with support and love.
Updated to add -- was just sent a link to Beushausen's apology post.
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