Essential Estrogen

Maybe you should ask Obama to come listen to you speak? When you invited me into "hostile" territory last spring and told your story, I half expected everyone the room to pull rocks from their handbags and start stoning you. But, they didn't.

Your story has a way of cutting through the bullshit and it can't be denied. Obama would do well to listen to you and the other women who have had abortions, late-term or otherwise. We aren't the creatures of convenience that we've been made out to be - that he seems, at least with these statements to believe us to be.

If he calls or contacts you, I want you to blog about it. Even if the whole conversation is not for print, I want you to make a blog entry that says "Obama and I had private conversation about reproductive health policy." The thing is that I don't think he ever will.

Much love. No one else may know, but I know how much writing this took out of you.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart-wrenching story with Senator Obama and with the rest of us, here. It is certainly a story that needs to be shared.

I am a proud supporter of Senator Obama for president, and a regular volunteer for his campaign, but I also firmly disagree with his stance on this issue.

I was naive, innocent, and 15 years old when my boyfriend of over a year decided that it was time for our relationship to proceed to a more intimate level. I protested, but was unsuccessful at stopping his advances. I was left utterly shocked at the events, and felt rather confused about the entire situation. It took me months of dealing with the private pain before I attempted to open up to my mother.

I told her I needed to speak with her about something serious. Before I could get into any details, she asked if I was pregnant. I was stunned at the question, and assured her that I was not, but my surprise and cautious voice lead her to believe that I may be, and before I could continue to explain, she assumed I was attempting to tell her I had become sexually active, and left me alone in my bedroom as she frantically drove to the store for a pregnancy test.

I protested, and assured her that I wasn't pregnant. I insisted that the event in question had taken place several months before, and that I had continued to have regular periods after the incident, but she insisted I take the test anyway. In an effort to appease her, and to move past this issue to the truth of the incident that I so desperately needed to disclose to her, I took the test and while waiting for the negative result I attempted to form the correct phrasing in my mind to explain to her the actual issue.

The test did not read negative, however. Somehow, although I had continued to have regular periods throughout, I discovered that I was somehow, in fact, pregnant. I was still 15 at the time, and had already been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, had been plauged with recurring suicidal thoughts, and two separate attempts at ending my life. Adding to all this, I had essentially been raped by someone I thought I loved and could trust, and suddenly found myself 5 months pregnant and completely alone in the world. I never did find the opportunity to tell my mother the truth about how this came to be.

The same day that I took the pregnancy test, my mother gave me the choice to talk with both Planned Parenthood and Birth Right, for differing perspectives on what my options might be. I called Birth Right first, and confessed to them my entire story, even the things I had not yet shared with anyone in the world, and was told that even if I thought I would kill myself, I was bound by God's law to carry the child to term, else become a baby murderer. I sobbed into my pillow, and seriously contemplated suicide. Thankfully before I made any rash decisions I called Planned Parenthood.

I did recieve a second-term abortion, nearly right away. I truly believe, even today, that it saved my life. I was already in such a fragile state that I firmly believe that the eventual outcome would have been two lives lost, rather than one.

This was one of the most difficult decisions of my life, and one that I will never take lightly. I still think back and wish I had been more stable, had had more choices, had been able to make another choice, but no matter how many thousands of times I re-examine my decision, I know with every ounce of my soul that I made the choice that was best for me at the time. I will never say it was easy, and will never speak callously about the events of that year in my life, but will always defend my right to have made that decision. I shudder to think of the girls in similar situations that were not given the same choices, whether because of legal issues, or lack of information.

I can not agree more with your closing question. It matters not to me what people think of my choice, because I accept my decision for what it is, but I suspect that regardless of a person's personal views on the issue of abortion, they would likely at least understand the need for the choice to exist, if only they (or even someone close to them) would be facing such troubling times as many of us have had in this regard. There is clearly a need for compassion in considering issues of a woman's choice regardless of whether the situation is life threatening in a physical sense or an emotional one, or in the case of your story, a choice that was truly meant as the most humane choice for all concerned.

Thank you again for sharing your experience with Mr. Obama, and with the readers here. It can only help the cause of freedom of choice for stories like these to be made known to anyone who will listen.

All the best to you.

Dear Lynda,
I was deeply affected by your moving account of a late-term abortion. It is precisely the kind of account I believe should be presented to the U.S. Congress AT ANY TIME a discussion is on the floor with respect to a woman's choice.

It seems so easy for politicians - and actually, everyone who has not experienced such a decision - to debate, in the sterile and frequently emotionless settings of government, such profoundly personal issues. Pundits and politicians endlessly produce sanitized terminology like "third-trimester," or "partial birth," or "mental distress."

What's wrong with a mostly male, several-degrees-removed governmental body trying to assume the responsibility for such complex, agonizing and tragic decisions is this: it is not humanly possible for any law dictating a woman's actions in these matters to "cover all the bases." There are simply far too many potential complications of the pregnancy and birthing processes to allow these determinations to be taken from a mother and her family.

I was also struck by your final comment to Senator Obama. As it happens, a few years ago a dear relative of mine was critically injured in an auto crash. His injuries were virtually all internal, and the most grievous were in his brain. Although he appeared normal and as if he were only peacefully sleeping, in reality he was brain-dead from the moment he lost consciousness. His brain stem had been separated from its mooring, so to speak - and although the doctors tried for the better part of a week, it became more and more clear that there was nothing which might truly save him.

In that state, as it happens, a family is allowed to make the decision as to whether or not a patient will be left on life support - so long as they make it within a proscribed time. As I'm sure you understand, their agony knew no bounds. They went through a time of excruciating 'what-ifs' and wondered if they might possibly be granted a divine miracle. After all, he had been physically fit and active, as well as a positive, loving person. But in the end, faced with a lifetime of caring indefinitely for what doctors explained would be the vegetative shell of this young man, they unplugged the machine in the belief that the patient himself, were he present, would have wanted that most passionately.

Although most of my family are bedrock fundamentalist Christians, not one single person disagreed with or criticized the family's decision. In the intervening years, they have finally started to come to terms with what happened, although I don't believe any of them will ever be the same again. Your story takes me back to that experience.

I wholeheartedly agree with the first comment posted here. I believe your experience needs to be shared across the country, and no other time could be more important than during this year's presidential campaign. I hope you continue to try and reach out to Senator Obama until you receive an answer - and to Senator McCain as well. If we do not, as women, begin to doggedly pursue the real truths of our lives with the leaders who affect them, we may see even darker days ahead than have already passed.

I hope to hear you speak one day in my own city of San Diego.

I salute your exceptional courage and wish you future peace and tranquility. Godspeed.

Men should not have opinions or votes about abortion. They are temperamentally and hormonally unfit. Only women should be permitted to be obstetricians or to perform abortions. There are no bright-line rules that satisfy both reason and emotions. Every case is a life or death decision that is never satisfactory. This a good opportunity to deploy "the serenity prayer." This pitiful lady cannot accept the simple truth that she had no real choice. Nature, God, or spot mutations forbade this conception to result in a living, healthy baby. She cannot accept this and is obsessed with bothering other people about it, few of whom have any problem accepting that nothing could be done, except a miracle. Miracles are impossible. I hope Obama and the people she accosts on the street or supermarket will politely ignore her.
She should make life of Oklahoma legislators a living hell. Politicians should run screaming into the streets when she confronts them. Men should learn not to concern themselves with woman's reproductive freedom once they have deposited their semen in some vagina. If they have any sense at all they will deposit it somewhere else.

Hi,

I like many other people had preconceived notions about late-term abortion before reading your story.

You have opened my eyes to a reality that I was blinded to. I am sorry for your terrible loss but I am thankful you are able to share with us.

Not to be callus but I also think its important to note that Senator Obama would listen to you, where as his opponent more than likely would not.

Thank you for sharing this story. I'm glad it was linked from the Huffington Post website--it deserves all the exposure it can get.

It's so easy to be glib when you haven't been in the situation. But when you've gone through the grief--as you so obviously have--it's another thing entirely.

I have always been open about my abortion experience--first term, physically non-eventful and emotionally traumatic (even though it was a choice I am still glad I made, 30 years later). The result of this has been that so many women who had faced the difficult choices you had to make see me as a sympathetic listener. I can't tell you how many stories of secrets kept that I've heard, whether it's the Catholic woman who had the early term abortion but is terrified of going to Hell, or the woman who aborted a Downs Syndrome baby, feeling that, if she were a "better" person, she would have carried the baby to term but knowing in her heart of hearts that she just couldn't manage. No matter what the personal story, I have NEVER met a woman who did not appreciate the gravity of the situation, who did not wrestle with ALL of the issues, emotional, financial, AND moral, before making a difficult choice.

It would be a much more productive conversation if women could start finding the courage to tell the unvarnished, unpretty truth about their experiences, and the rest of the world would just shut up and listen.

Thank you so much.

My understanding of the Senator's position is that doesn't apply to the difficult situation the writer experienced as there is no question that the pregnancy could produce a fetus that was viable outside of the womb. He was referring to a rare third-trimester termination, which would in most instances result in a viable fetus. The writing of Barbara O'Brian has been useful to me in understanding Obama's position.

http://www.mahablog.com/2008/07/04/explaining-obama-defining-abortion-terms/

In the above link she says:

There are many reasons third-trimester abortions are different from first- and second-trimester abortions. One big difference is that once the pregnancy has entered the third trimester there’s a likelihood the fetus will be viable, meaning it can survive outside the womb. Most of the time if a third-trimester pregnancy has to be terminated because of the mother’s health, every effort will be made to save the baby. It is unusual, although not unheard of, for the baby to have to be sacrificed to save the mother.

On the other hand, until very late in the second trimester there is zero possibility a fetus will survive outside the womb. From about the last week of the second trimester until about the end of the seventh month — well into the third trimester — survivability is iffy, but possible. After that the odds the baby will survive improve considerably. So are we straight on this point?

The problem with terminating a third-trimester pregnancy because the mother is emotionally or psychologically stressed is that you’re probably going to end up with a live infant, but one with more medical problems than it would have had if the pregnancy had gone full term. And this could cause the woman more stress in the long run. This is not sensible.

Regarding “mental distress” — as someone with intimate experience with severe postpartum depression, I appreciate mental distress as well as anyone. But by the third trimester it’s too late to avoid the physiological effects of pregnancy and childbirth, and if we’re talking about a purely psychiatric condition I suspect, medically, it would be extremely unusual for termination of pregnancy to be necessary or even helpful.

On the other hand, if it is discovered that the fetus has an anomaly that is “incompatible with life,” as the med journal articles put it — meaning there is no way the fetus will survive more than a few hours after birth — and the mother wants to terminate rather than live with the heartbreak, I say let her terminate. That’s a point that needs to be clarified.

Thank you.

Patrick,
The operative word there in your fourth paragraph is 'could', where you say: 'And this could cause the woman more stress in the long run.'

I think what those who have shared their experiences above believe is that they are the only ones who can really judge the extent of stress either choice will bring, and therefore, they are the best person to make that decision.

if it is discovered that the fetus has an anomaly that is “incompatible with life,” as the med journal articles put it — meaning there is no way the fetus will survive more than a few hours after birth — and the mother wants to terminate rather than live with the heartbreak, I say let her terminate.

The thing is, the mother lives with the heartbreak anyway. It's not like the fact of terminating the pregnancy makes it all go away as if it were a bad dream. That's some serious magical thinking. It is harrowing no matter what choice you make.

Abortion isn't a political issue at all. If people were only having abortions for real medical risks and in cases of women not being a life support system to a child who would never be able to live on his/her own, there would be no debate. We have a real porblem with accountablitly in this country and we misuse our freedoms too often. Look at all issues, bankruptcy is a gret thing, choice for women awsome, freedom of religion another good one. but all of those things are misused. Abortion should only be an option when no other good option can be found between women and their Drs. Bankruptcy is for people who have had extrodinaty circumstances, lost of job, medical debt that can't be paid. And we have started attacking people for their religious choices accusing everyone that their religious freedom steps on the toes of someone else. I read a story the other day where a high school football coach was suspended for asking a bunch of sixteen year old boys if they wanted to pray with him after practice. What on earth is wrong with him praying with the teen boys if they want to participate? Most abortions (even late term) are for personal reasons, like changes in relationships, and financials problems. People need to save abortion for those who have medical reasons for them. People who can't care for their babies should give them up for adoption, and we should start practicing sexual restraint. Well over half of bankruptcies are b/c of credit card debt or bying a house that costs six times your income and turns out you can't afford it. We need to stop misusing our freedoms or they will graduatlly go away. Remember to teach your children to be responisble and compassionate and helpul to others. The government can't fix any problems, only people can by loving one and other and by making choices that serve the greater good. Just remember that abortion was actually about privacy, not choice and medical technology has proven that the child is a life. We need to handle that knowledge with love for that other human being. As a general rule restricting abortions is probably a good thing, but I think it is a shaim that we need restrictions, because of stories like this one. I am sorry but women killing babies just isn't an answer to anything. We are talking about over 50,000,000 abortions in the US alone since R v W and that is sick. Feeding sexual obsession and treating abortion like birth control for women most of whom are too young to buy a beer. Not good at all.

All that I can say is THANK YOU... I am a 24-year old woman who recently underwent a 20 week D&E abortion procedure. I am still mourning over the decision that I made, yet I feel it was the best for everyone who was involved. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of my unborn child. What I do feel is that a woman has a right to make her own decisions about her body... no matter what protestors, politicians, and even family says. There is only one person whose job it is to judge us, and that is GOD. You made a decision that was right for YOU and YOUR CHILD, and helps in reassuring me that I made the right choice for ME and MY CHILD.

I just found your site tonight, courtesy of a link at Huffington Post to this article. I have to tell you that for a small blog, this is one of the best written sites I've ever visited. Keep up the good work!

Thank you for writing this to Sen. Obama and sharing it with all of us. I also had a late term abortion because of defects. It was heartbreaking. It is still heartbreaking. Lots of people talk about late term abortion being a convenience, but that is a leap. It isn't a political issue. It shouldn't be on the national radar. It should be a private, horrible experience decided upon by the women and families affected.

I'm going to start using your last question because it is full of truth.