Essential Estrogen

Okay... let's get that out of the way first...

I'm one of the lucky quarter of all Iowans who live in an area requiring those purchasing a legal substance to leave their name and number behind... for eternity. That's right, if you're gonna buy a keg in Marion, you're gonna register your keg in Marion. (Unless, of course, you drive the five minutes into Cedar Rapids.)

Let me first mention I'm a little concerned about the fact that I'm once again getting ready to plant my ass firmly on a Republican point. (Whoa, boys, it's not to be taken literally!) The keg registration legislation is the same for the state as it was for Marion: pointless.

Here's my disclaimer: I'm not a drinker and I don't believe I've every purchased a keg in my entire life. I can only think of perhaps two or three parties I've attended where there were kegs. Quite frankly, I've seen more kegs at political events than I've ever seen at parties. Contrary to my children's belief, however, I was young and a bit wild on the edges once. I attended my fair share of parties both as an underage person and as a 'legal adult.' So... some of the things I know to be true:

1. Most people buying for underage people aren't buying kegs! (Usually they are buying for the underage folks because they are:
   1. Barely legal drinking age
   2. Three sheets to the wind already
   3. Wanting more alcohol
   4. Spending the money the underage kids provided for the booze
2. Most of the time the kids who get into the keg do so without an adult knowing about it
3. When preparing for a weekend party, the 'kids' will often travel from store to store, buying a 12-pack or case at each one. This is done because:
   1. If the buyer is underage, the clerk/cashier is less likely to card him/her for such a small amount
   2. if the buyer is an adult and buying for someone underage, purchasing a small amount is less memorable than a large amount
4. The holy grail of the underage party is Cowboy Kool-Aid (no beer required)

Quite frankly, this legislation doesn't and won't affect me at all. I doubt there will ever come a time when I'll need or want to buy a keg of beer. It is, in my opinion, useless government red tape which only serves to complicate matters for people who are doing something completely legal. Further, it is quite possibly an infringement on privacy since personal information isn't destroyed upon the keg's return... or even 48 hours or week after the keg's return.

Instead of making such laws, we should concentrate on changing our society's relationship with alcohol. After all, we should be a country which learns from it's ... *cough* prohibition *cough*... mistakes.

Our society will not be able to overcome the 'mystification' of sex, alcohol and drugs until we stop putting them up on pedestals in front of our children.